omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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