The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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