When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
