I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
