i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
