You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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