i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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