So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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