Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
