please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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