I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
