I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize