If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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