I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
