nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize