One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
