Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize