oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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