my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
