Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
