I think I won the penis lottery.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
