Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I just want to make out with him forever
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
