How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Randomize
