bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
