Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
