every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
