I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
