Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
