i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
