I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
