Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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