i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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