Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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