she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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