Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
