I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize