I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
