We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize