Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
