Fine. I'll sleep in my office
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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