No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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