okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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