Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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