Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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