The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
