I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
