I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
you traded sex for a burrito?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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