I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
