sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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