i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
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