Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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