does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
