don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
