lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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