I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
