Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
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