On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
