giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
