She went from zero to smokin in five shots
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My vagina is very pro this idea
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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