Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
