My balls are so social today.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
