The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
