I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize