HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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