you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
