The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
