If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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