these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
